I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
