he thought i was a dude.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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