Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As shirtless as possible
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
