I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
