You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
my liver is dry heaving
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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