I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No subtext here. People are naked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
