how can u be prego again
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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