we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
