You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
