Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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