He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
