don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
