Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
