the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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