I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
