Can i not drive my cunt home
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
