Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
