You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
