she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I cut my penus on the lid.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
