It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
