I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
