My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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