OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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