this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
