What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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