Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
