i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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