According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
