Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
