my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
