Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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