sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
