i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
