If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
