it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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