ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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