remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
