also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
