The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You are a genius and a whore.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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