Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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