Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
