oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
