why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
