she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize