I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
