hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
