Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
