i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
