you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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