i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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