she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
