Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize