she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
