I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
