I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
