This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
