What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
