Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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