Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize