Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
