Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
