I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
