I just cut my nipple shaving
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
