An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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