Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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