My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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